God Keeps His Promises

God Keeps His Promises: continued

A few weeks into our stay at the cabin in Twain Harte, we realized the home-buying process was going to take longer than we'd thought.  Due to the fact that prices in the area had reached the lowest point in several years,  not many people were actually listing their homes.  Finding a home with our specific wants and in our price range was proving to be a bit of a challenge.  So we decided to accept this fact, and rent a house in the town in which we'd narrowed our home search.

During this time, I had follow-up OB tests and sonograms.  The doctors discovered an 8 inch fibroid growing in my uterus.  They felt this might explain the miscarriage, but advised me to try getting pregnant again before considering surgery.

We took their advice and I was pregnant a few months later.  We felt encouraged after walking away from the 10-week ultrasound, having seen our tiny baby's heart beating.  That was something that hadn't happened last time.  Unfortunately, I again miscarried at 11-1/2 weeks.  Although the process was much quicker, it was still as tough on me emotionally as the first miscarriage.  Looking back, I can see I was teetering on the edge of depression.

I saw a specialist who advised me that I had two options: try to get pregnant once more, or have abdominal surgery so the fibroid could be removed.  Neither choice seemed appealing at the time, having experienced two sort-of-late miscarriages in the span of 7 months.  I felt that pregnancy would just end in another miscarriage.  Emotionally, I knew I wasn't ready for that.  Being the mother of five, I wasn't sure I felt comfortable undergoing significant surgery in order to complete our family, either.  We decided to hold off.

What was so strange in all of this was reflecting on the unmistakable promptings we had each felt, completely independent of one another.  We knew our family wasn't complete, but couldn't see how it could be completed.  Pregnancy was obviously not working out.  And, although Clint was ready to consider adoption, the thought overwhelmed me.  Five children, full-time homeschooling, and adopting: it seemed more than I could handle.

But sometimes you get pregnant when you're not really planning on it, and this was one of those times.  I was "blessed" with the longest cycle of my life, so I was at my most fertile when I thought we were good to go.  (TMI??  That's the risk you take reading my blog, I guess.)  We were pregnant within two months of the second miscarriage.  You will probably judge me harshly for this, but I avoided going to the doctor at all until I was 10 weeks pregnant.  I felt that if I miscarried without ever having seen the baby, it would be easier to handle.  Finally I went, and was amazed to hear the heartbeat with the doctor's Doppler.  To date the pregnancy, we went in for an ultrasound the next day, and saw a perfectly forming blob that was much further developed than either of my previous two pregnancies had been.  We were afraid to dare to hope, and yet felt optimistic about this baby's chances.

A week later, following a wonderful day trip to San Francisco, the spotting began.